Love is a beautiful thing, exciting, exhilarating, fun, passionate and sometimes, if we’re being completely honest, not so great, especially if you don’t feel like you can truly kick back and relax with your partner. The signs you’re uncomfortable around your partner vary, but they all have one thing in common, which is that anyone who can’t totally chill with their partner will feel anxious and worried about some aspect of their relationship.

New research indicates this to be true and shows that well over a third (38 per cent) of us admit we struggle to truly be ourselves in front of our partners.

There could be many reasons why you’re not feeling ready to expose the things you think your partner might judge you about, credit card bills, friendships, not being able to trust them unconditionally, the list is seemingly endless,

Independent brewery INNIS & GUNN commissioned the BEING YOU: THE INDEX so they could better understand people’s feelings around authenticity and self-expression and encourage more people to feel free to be themselves, fuelling their mission to encourage originality, creativity, passion and purpose.

They believe it’s good to be different, to act with innate originality, to be who we truly are – it’s in the DNA of their beer. They believe the world is a better place when people can be themselves. Their own authentic, imperfect, brilliant selves, regardless of self-doubt, not driven by a need to follow the trends and fashions that come and go. You can find out more about the Innis & Gunn story at the bottom of this page.

A huge number of participants indicated they wanted to be able to be their true selves, but were afraid. If you read and agree with that, as you’ll see from the stats, you are not alone.

TV Psychologist Honey Langcaster-James studied the research and said……..

‘The findings of Innis & Gunn’s research, as outlined in this report, highlight the fact that sometimes we feel we must hide our true feelings, thoughts and wishes from others. The reasons for this appear to be quite complex. For some it seems to be because they worry about fitting in or alternatively facing social rejection. For others, it’s more about worrying that if they are found out to be different, they might be judged to be lacking in some way, and that might perhaps lead them to lose out on opportunities.’

We spoke to Honey to find out more and get some tips on how we can all ‘stay original’…..

Honey Langcaster-James – Being You: The Index

You can find out more about Honey by visiting her site HERE.

An overwhelming three quarters (76%) feel uncomfortable being themselves in front of colleagues, and this could be because the
workplace is one part of our lives in which we do get judged on our performance.

Peer pressure plays a role in the discomfort around being ourselves, particularly for ages 25-34, as……
55% are uncomfortable being their true selves
• A quarter (23%) fear being rejected
• One in five (20%) feel the need to be perfect
• 15% blame the pressure of social media

If you’d like to download a copy of the Innis & Gunn report, just click on the link below and it’ll go straight to you device.


The team here at SOUTH WALES LIFE having been doing some homework on the subject, and have come up with 5 signs you’re uncomfortable around your partner.

  1. You Tiptoe Around – If you feel a need to hide certain things, you may not be comfortable. 
  2. You Can’t Breathe Around Them – If you feel anxiety mostly when you’re with your partner, this is a very telling sign.
  3. You’re Worried About Being Judged – One sign you aren’t comfortable around your partner is that you fear being judged.
  4.  You Don’t Trust Them – While you have no proof, you have the feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is wrong.
  5. You Can’t Sit And Be Silent Together – You should be able to sit for an extended time period without feeling a need to chatter.

For us, the final one in the list is the most important. Being able to sit with each other, not having to fill the empty silence, is always a sign that you two are okay. Speaking for speaking sake is never neccessary.

The Innis & Gunn research is available now, and you can see what the guys are up to right HERE.