With so many of us spending more time with our loved ones, in the strangest of situations, it can put a strain on any relationship. While it’s essential to spend quality time with your partner to strengthen your bond, keep the love alive, as well as make the relationship itself grow, that is never easy, especially if you are spending 24/7 together.
- What’s a healthy amount of time to spend with the person your partner?
- Where’s the balance?
- What is a healthy amount of time to spend with a significant other?
If 100 percent of the time is too much, and zero too little, try and figure out the sweet spot. Striking a balance is often harder than you might think:
Here are some ways to make sure that you are spending enough quality time with your partner:
- Go on a weekend getaway
- Try a movie marathon
- Play a game together
- Cook together
- Stay fit together
- Try new things together
- Adopt a pet together
- Talk about random stuff
- Learn from each other
- Don’t forget to get intimate
GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER
Maybe you’re planning a nice quiet evening, and the booze is flowing, why not ask each other these 36 questions scientifically proven to break intimacy barriers. Some you may already know the answer to (“How’s your relationship with your mother?”) while others are hypotheticals you’ve likely never posed (“If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?”).
The questions are below but here’s a little taster with the five questions every couple should ask. In any relationship, we fall into the same discussions over and over again like what are we having for dinner and what’s the weekend plan and so on. What about the sort of questions you talk about all the time and get to deeper levels of intimacy. Dig deeper into your relationship and you will find some deep questions to ask your partner.
Watch the video and start with these 5 questions, then maybe move on to the 36…….
The 36 Questions:
Social psychology researcher Arthur Aron of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University in New York developed 36 questions to help people break through each of the intimacy levels. You can do these with your partner or with friends. Arthur also recommends them to parents and teens. Keep in mind:
- Vulnerability brings people closer. The point of these questions is to have sustained, escalating and reciprocal self-disclosure. Take time having both people answer the questions and truly listen to the answers without judgment.
- There is no such thing as rapid intimacy. He would NOT recommend doing these all in one sitting. One per dinner perhaps or one per car ride. Take your time, savour them, expand on them and see where they take you. One of my friends and I answer one of these each week.
Okay, here are the questions for you. Feel free to print these out or email them to a friend.
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a perfect day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are living now? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them: Be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.